Basketballer

My plans

2010-07-11T20:30:00.000-07:00

Things are going quite alright for me. I am living in my grandma house because i got kicked out of the my house for some little reason. i dont want to talk about that. its a bad moment so i dont even want to think about it. now im working and training at Burgerking outlet while waiting for NS. Before i work in Burgerking i was working as cleaner. cleaning at Marina Sands Bay. I thought i could work for months but unfortunately its for only one day and i quit. but that doesnt mean i didnt learn anything. i did reflect while on the job. i looked myself in the mirror. me holding a broomstick?! thats not even my dream. on that night i spend my time reflecting on myself. like what do i want in life and how do i make this happen. so i told myself to take one step at a time that is working. intead of playing games the whole day i work. Well my plan now is to wait for Ns while working then after Ns i might work part-time job. then i would find a course that i might like. maybe its computer related. i want to study hard after Ns. I must focus on my plans.

Something for myself:
Decide and take action
Focus
Quick at everything

Happy birthday to me.

2010-04-14T08:43:00.001-07:00

Today was my birthday. Thnx again to everyone who wished me. Today i didnt really do anything much. but im planning to find the work at kallang leisure park. Azri said that there is a job there. so maybe i might have the mood to go there and ill check it out. well like i said nothing much happened today. i dont expect anything as usual. if i were to wish for my birthday i would wished that my life will go smoothly and mostly happy. before i graduate i plan to wait for Ns then i will think of my future. but now i dont really feel like it.
The best solution to problems is improve it. well at least that is my quote.

Im really lost....

2010-03-29T12:57:00.000-07:00

I really dont know what to do. im really lost. All the time i have been staying at home consistently. sleeping at irregular times. i feel like shit. I wanted to work. But i needed money for transport. im really having money trouble right now. Whats even worst is, my ezlink wont be able to use anymore. i have to use coins. it will cost me $2 to go out. Im really feeling very shitty.
If only i look for a job sooner, i wont have to stay at home all day. I honestly dont like to stay indoors. it is very gloomy. i rather have a fresh air outside. Since i graduate from secondary school, im not that active anymore. maybe it was because i have close friends. During secondary school day, i would like to hang out with my friends even if its really boring. I can still remember the days i went to Maverick house with others. Sometimes we would play computer or doing nothing at all. it seems like doing nothing at all was fun to me at that time. Now im really obsessed with playing online games. I know its not good for me to stay at home playing games all day. When im at home, the most fun things i could do at home was touching my laptop. Even now i rarely touch my ps3. i figure that i had quite a big problem. a bad habit. i want to stop this and hang out with friends but the only thing that is preventing me is money.
I can ride a bike to lewis house during weekend to hangout but in the end of the day i will be very exhausted. it took me 1 hour to reach his house and another to go back home. its really very tiring. I would sweat when riding. i really hate sweating when i have no extra shirts to wear. Now waiting for my Ns. I dont know when i will be going in. Azri told me that there is a job at kallang leisure park. maybe i might be working there. the only thing im worried is, spending money for a job. i remember last time when i want to work as a promoter. i had to spend lots of money just go for the job. Even worst, i didnt get any money at all because i thought it was really very hard to work as a promoter. the worst thing about being promoter is asking your family to buy their product in order to get pay. its really very shameful to ask your family buy the product after you just said to them that you are working. its more like taking money away from them. the most decent pay i ever received was the company Sasa. Long john silver was not bad but because of one person i dont like, i stopped working. Whenever i tried to ask lewis find work together, it always end up in failure. life is really not simple since i graduate.
Maybe tomorrow ill search the location for the job that Azri recommended in the internet.

2010-02-03T03:29:00.000-08:00

Today i feel extremely lazy. I have no mood to go out.
I feel like im suffering from Anxiety disorder. It seems that things isnt the way like it is before.
I tried most of my theory to cope with this. i felt like im stuck and have nowhere to go. Heres what i do every now and then. 1st thing in the morning i would wake up around 5am and watch Tv or play Psp. in the noon i would play Online games till night. I keep doing this everytime. somehow i dont feel happy with myself. I feel that i need to break this bad habit and start hanging out with friends more. I really have changed. but in the worse way.
I really2 felt lazy to do outdoors. Before i graduate from secondary school, i was very outgoing. now i prefer to stay at home. but im not happy at all. my house is all sour. Parents always make me feel pissed. its not that i hate myself. its just that i dont want to change to this type of person.
I know this is definitely not my personality. i think i really need to go to a psychiatrist.
Now i dont have a goal. I would want to continue playing basketball but i feel that it was not worth it. When i asked myself, what i want in life. Happiness. but i dont really know how to be happy. if i can recall, last time i would go for something that is very challenging. now i feel like i cant joke about anything. its like i lost my skills to joke. currently im really trying to find out why i cant joke anymore. I can laugh at funny things, well almost all things. but i cant even joke.
Maybe its because of the anxiety disorder. Now i want to spend my time searching for answer.

Damn this TF2

2009-12-18T03:37:00.000-08:00

Wth for few days and i started playing tf2. all the players already got the new weapon while i dont. not only that. all of them became more pro in just few days. i couldnt own any of them. so pissed with team fortress. it really sucks to be one of the few who didnt get the new weapons. today i wasted time for nothing. sheesh im so pissed.

2009-11-29T06:17:00.000-08:00

Let me get this clear. Why are people so ignorant. saying that i didnt do what i was suppose to do but didnt look at themselves for what they didnt do. damn this people. Why are people acting all big and arrogant when i looked up to them? can't you just respect and dont treat them like dogs. i know for sure i have done this in the past but i changed. last time i even boss people around to lick the floors. yeah i was arrogant and heartless. i changed for the better. For people out there who treat me like im your dog. you got the wrong person. i wont hesitate to punch.
Stop leveling people god damn it. even if they are much weirder. imagine if all the people had died and you left with this weird person. would you talked to him? the answer is obvious.
I was popular once but i never level down people until so low. even a little i respect them. like delta,JL and some others. i respect them. i never insult people seriously. even if i insult, it was really meant to be a bad joke. i really hated people who looked down on others.
And yeah weird people are entertaining and annoying. so what. theres no need to hate them. its like being a stereotype. From now on i wont respect people who are really ignorant. When it comes to pride i really wont let people push me. Delta has a weak pride. he even get bullied everytime and still didnt fight back. if i were him i wont hesitate to punch that person even if im risking it. so what if there are many people beating you. you let them push you then you are better of dead. there are times you need to fight back. you didnt fight than whats the point living. i have been in this situation "tried to ask somebody but instead he pushes me away and continue what he was doing" alot of times. i can handle that but if that becomes his habit then i wont talk to him anymore. damn this people.

2009-11-09T21:47:00.000-08:00

i just found this article from a website. its good for us.

("Mind Power- Inner Psychology to Success
The term mind power and the subconscious mind power are described in many different ways. In the psychosomatic sense mind power is labeled as ability to have emotions, imagination, memory, and will; and subconscious mind power is labeled as part of the normal individual’s personality in which mental processes function without consciousness under normal waking conditions.
Contents
1. How Mind Power and Subconscious Mind Power work2. How to use Subconscious Mind for success
Mind power is our conscious mind, the way we think. The mind is similar to a constantly flowing spring however a natural spring cannot send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening, nor yield both salt water and fresh. So it is with the mind and its thoughts; it cannot equally think negative and positive thoughts at the same time. One will rule the other. Since the mind reflects habitual thoughts, it is therefore our responsibility to influence our mind and brain with positive emotions, thoughts and energy as the dominating factors in our mind. Mind power is beyond positive thinking or brain power, it is thinking than believing what you think that will manifest your reality. Since this mind power is power of thought and beliefs, and these thoughts and beliefs will create the outcome of your now, you will want to stay aware to the reflections you are thinking.
Now mind power is a dual system that includes your power of thought(brain) and your subconscious mind. We all have subconscious mind power; it can be as small as smiling at your boss in the hopes of improving the odds of acquiring a raise.
It can be the way you unconsciously handle a situation whether appropriately or not. Power of the subconscious mind comes from the thoughts and beliefs of your the power of the your mind. However you think and believe is what your subconscious mind power will produce. This is done continuously, one minute at a time. Every thought nourished regularly by your mind power will activate your subconscious mind to generate those thoughts and energy whether good or bad into your life. This is how you’re present and future is created.

Your mind power and your subconscious mind work together and they fashion your reality. Let’s use a parallel to help you visualize how this works. Your subconscious mind power is similar to fertile soil that consents to any seed planted inside it. Your habitual thoughts and beliefs are the seeds which are being continually sown and they will eventually produce a crop. So if you plant weeds you will get weeds, if you plant fruit, you will get fruit. In other words, you reap what you sow. Now the conscious mind is the gardener, and it is the mind power to choose what reaches our inner garden- the subconscious.
Unfortunately, most of us do not have green thumbs because of lack of knowledge of this law, the psychology behind this success and because of this ignorance we have allowed all kinds of seeds, both good and bad, to enter. So our subconscious mind power will manifest failure, ill health and all kinds of misfortunes just as effortlessly as it will manifest success and abundance. However, it cannot manifest it both at the same time, which is why the need to constantly actuate the positive until the fertile soil of your subconscious mind power reaps only abundance. Success is only a choice away.")

Its good for anyone who cant make up their mind.

2009-11-08T23:24:00.000-08:00

i read this blog. its about how to take critism. they say people who gets all defensive when they are critisized have low self-esteem and immature.
so it points out to me. but thinking back. isnt fun to be immature?
here is the correct detail of taking critics.
ignore it and accept it. i feel wierd if i dont argue. it has become a habit to
argue.

anyway my life is now worst.
no allowance
no internet access after 6.45pm
no more online gaming
no more bus
for now i keep my cool and tolerate this.
from now on ill try to be more tolerating than before.
now the things that can keep me away from boredom is Psp and Songs.
I wont collapse because of this. although deep down im really mad at my father, i still greet him. i really wonder what happen to my father. its like he has no more money.
now i go to school enduring my hunger.
im not good at holding back my hunger.
i guess im slimming down because of less consume of foods
i ate about 1 meal a day.
i believe someday things would go back to normal.
i received a school fees today. but i though it was my father who was suppose to pay the school fees. i feel like im getting more sensible than before.
i wonder what caused this.
ill try to get along with others.
i want to be more respected.
today i was criticized by Ilham like saying" come find trouble in the facebook."
i knew it was directed at me. but i tell myself everyone has embarrassing moments so i let it go and just treat it as a wind just blowing pass me.
whatever happens i dont want to breakdown. they say if you tell yourself positive things 100 times, the effect will happen and you will be what you tell yourself before then.
to stay positive i just have to remind myself that i can do it.

when you wake up in the morning you press UP not Down.
what i meant is you look at the bright side. "today i will get to do something fun" instead of "damn, another boring and stressful day"
so UP is positive and Down is Negative.
i might not blog for awhile since im restricted to play at night.

2009-10-31T04:20:00.000-07:00

Interesting is Interested in Interesting and it just cycles. uninterested is interested in uninterested. this is what i came up with. it just pop up in my mind. having interested in something build your spirit and the power to endure or forget a pain. looking at everything as interesting is actually good for you. interested in uninteresting is really bad and it is called 2 faced.
2 faced is the same as Phony.
a Phony is someone who pretend to be a FRIEND to someone but actually talk bad about THAT friend. but when THAT friend is there they will try their best to act like they are REAL friends. same goes to other relationship.
i really hate this kind of people. if they really dont like that person than dont be friends with them in the 1st place. phony people exist because they wants "things" for themselves but pretend to be good in order to get "things" for themselves. Manipulating is the almost the same as being phony. too bad there is such people in class that is phony. The least you can do is not to stay with them "acting" all good.
Phony can also relate to Back-stabbing.

The opposite of 2 faced is Genuine.

To me if i were to make enemies i could forgive them easily. like what i did to violet. at 1st i really doubt that i would forgive him. then i think back. why not? i make alot of enemies in the past but i forgave them.

Lies
You buy lies with a curse.
that curse WILL come to you.
that curse is usually attacked you unguarded.
etc people hating you or angry at you or maybe something more major.

if you did not lie in the 1st place you will have lesser curse.

Not lying is being honest
Lying is being dishonest

this afternoon i was asked by my mother to look after my father shoes.
if it rains, i should bring it inside.
i was hogging onto my laptop all day and it rains.
The door was wide open which lets all the rain to splash onto my doorstep.
i just thought it was no big deal that it rains.
then i heard a lightning. i felt disturbed and want to close the door.
and i saw my father shoes wet.
i felt like i lied or broke a promise.
so i keep it inside drying with a fan.
when my father wakes up he asked "why is the fan in my room switched on?"
he said angrily. i said that i was drying his shoes. He got lost of words and just blame it on my mother for not taking the shoes inside earlier. i felt so irresponible. i really felt like i was a bad guy.
so the next time i must really be more responsible.

sometime i asked myself what is true happiness.
is it being happy for a short while like laughing at jokes or being happy all day long.
if happiness is laughing at jokes than i must be greedy.
maybe a happiness can be something thrilling.
etc having to do something risky. like parkour. you felt thrilled on jumping from building to building but at the same time you are getting quite excited. after you jumped and landed safely, you felt this strong ego coming to you. and you will say something like" Whose the man now?"
maybe it was that. its been quite a long time since i did something really risky.
talking about risky i developed this thrilled when playing basketball.

okay there was 5 people in a team who is better than you.
this is how it goes.
you have 3 seconds to pass to another player and let him score or score by yourself and you know that there is very less chance of you scoring. having to pass to another player takes 1 second and 2 seconds to shoot the ball. i really was a clear answer that you should pass to that player but instead you scored it by yourself. you felt extremely happy and proud after you scored.

i guess that is thrilling. having something you know you cant do yet you overcome that. its quite a good feeling. this is why i love sports.

2009-10-30T03:21:00.000-07:00

although i kept my promise i dont feel anything in return. i have to use more of my brain than heart... everything has right and wrong. maybe i have always looked in "wrong" too many times. that is negativity. although i tried to be a bad person...all my friends and siblings encourage me to be a good person. i got a little soften by that. so now i know that i was too emotional. today i did alot of work and i really want thank Bryan and Farhan for pitying me. they gave me food. because i am having alot of problem with money. i did not thank in person because i felt awkward. when i felt awkward everything seems to be happening while i took my time feeling awkward. at the end of the day i apologize to violet in proper. i forgot how to forgive and forget. it just happens to fast and i was really stressed. i really felt a pain in my stomach while doing my work and i felt really sleepy and aching all over my body. The Main reason i got into a fight was because i was looked down by people. i hated that. i did post that i hate being looked down few years ago. and finally Farhan was more nicer than before. ill try to understand the team more. although today there is bad things happening... in the end i was quite satisfied on how my classmates are so nice to me. Actually this blog was my feelings. i dont intend to spread this. its not my intention. whenever i felt extremely angry or sad i Will write things down. having a blog is quite usefull for a forgetful person like me. yeah i left 2-3 short scene for me to draw. From my friends.
Life is full of challenges.
Bad person always come last and good person are always first.
Dont think about the past and live in the present.
this is the quote i got today.

2009-10-29T09:18:00.001-07:00

i have just finished training for tomorrow. now i want to leave protecting my pride.
tomorrow is the day of change. either me or him will fall. but im not gonna fall that easily.
my mind is all alert. i dont care if i die. having emotionally pushed is not the way i want to live life. i want to leave life with pride. i am going to keep my promise.

2009-10-29T05:55:00.000-07:00

Fuck this! violet want to have and argument with me? im gonna have to Punch him to senses tomorrow. I DONT CARE WHAT EVER HAPPENS TO ME!! I HAVE MY PRIDE TO PROTECT!!! I won't let this go on any longer. ill make sure he will faint tomorrow.
This is the prove. if i dont punch him to his sense tomorrow i will not come to school anymore. I MUHAMMAD LUTFI SWEAR THAT I WILL PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE. NO HOLDING BACK!!! IM NOT GONNA HAVE A TALK WITH HIM BUT IM GONNA LET MY FIST DO THE TALKING.

2009-10-21T23:09:00.000-07:00

i know its important to do FYP. pls dont compare me with somebody else. i really dont like that. do you really think that i can do my work if i am upset? im not that selfish to let my team fall just like that. i am not that type of person. i like to fool around. i am not the type of person who likes to do work everytime. pls understand. its really hard for me to do work when people are forcing. i rather do it on my own free will.even in my secondary school i play more and study less. if you think that scolding me will make me do work, then you are mistaken. i did it with my own reason. its hard to change my "laziness towards work" that fast. it takes time. i have never concentrate that hard to do my work before. im not doing because im scared. true that i say i want to change. but that doesnt mean that i can change just like that. instead of scolding ask me nicely. if i dont want then it means i need a time to get back on track. time cure your mood even if you are mad it will definitely drift away. i did say in this blog that i hated when someone force me to do things. im not like bryan who always do work...im different. i got alot in my mind right now. family, FYP, finding myself, lesser day and lesser money. im trying to solve this. i even stayed back with growling stomach. i endure that just to do work. normally i will give up when im hungry. i know that you dont want to fail this course. just think positive and everything will be fine and smooth. just use logic. sure you can change the person by scolding but that person in return will feel angry. its like fire with fire and it just build more fire. i even give up my saturday for this FYP. that day was important to me but i just pushed it aside thinking that my friend will not be upset. the least i can do is message but it backfires. might as well dont message. what im trying to say is dont force me. now that i let out my feelings. i can forget what had happen previously.

Yesterday Today

2009-10-08T04:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday or maybe today in the middle of the night i went skating with mansur while lewis acompany me. i did teach him some method on how to skate. like standing on one leg on the skateboard. while he is learning i was wasting my energy running on a "ledge" which i think will improve my body balance if i did that. than mansur stopped skating and talk to lewis with lewis other friend. i felt bored and tired. then i start skating like mad. i think i realize that if im extremely tired i will waste my energy like crazy. especially on something fun. haiz today at 7pm my stupid father trying to scare me...fuck...i showed him the sign that i really hate him. no i rather waste my time doing other things rather than wasting time on him. its not worth hating. wth he told me that he will break my laptop if i played in the room or overnight using.whats wrong with that?!!!! 1st theres nothing wrong in playing in my room...even if you are preventing me watching porn...there will be a time that i WILL watch. there is no escaping. are you really stupid?! my "mother" also stupid...letting him step on you. he WILL step on you more. i prefer to stay at my grandmothers house rather than here. but school is not near. if you have been as nice as grandma i would have listened to you stupid! i wont listen to people who scold me. instead i will do the opposite. every single time i will see you scolding people. even "mother" for her talking. are you trying to change us?!! well for one thing you did change me...into a pessimist idiot! now here i am trying hard to get to my old self. you want to break my laptop? well there is a price. the price is i will direspect you even more. i never once got praised by you.when i was little i even want you to praise me for getting good marks. seriously everytime i must get over this hate everytime you scold me. you are wasting my time. enough of that...
now talking about yesterday ... lewis told me that if you sleep more you are not living your life to your fullest. he said the reason was...when you sleep you are doing something. but there is some other thing you can do to improve your life. yes sleeping is important but what if your life get taken away tomorrow? you never know so i heed his advice and try to do something worth doing. i must remind myself that action speaks louder than words. i keep forgeting this. lutfi dont just say that you want to do it. just do it. dont do that just boost yourself up. do it because you wanted it.

what wrong with my life?

2009-10-05T12:20:00.000-07:00

i can get all the things that i wanted but why do i feel so uneasy....
i got those things that i can enjoy with everyday but i feel like im not happy with what i got.
although yesterday was really a bad day but at least i clear something like...not being able to openly talk to my grandparents.
i became introverted since i was in this school. is it because that i dont want people to think bad of me? i dont know. but one thing that saved me from being introverted was my best friend..Lewis. he is more social than me. since i came to this school i was not open to him as well. i tried not to get argument with him. but he was always showing this warm welcome. its hard to find a friend like him. i should treat him better. he always put himself and me in the future.
its quite a coincidence when i met him.
this is how it started. i study in GuangYang Secondary school. when i was in school i was quite shy. although there is someone who makes friend with me. im like answering his question few days passed. i feel like i should make friends. i saw this large guy. he is alone sometime. when i was on my way home. i saw Lewis from far. i guessed that he lived nearby.
so the next day i purposely bump into him in a shop. buying twisties. munching on it and ask him.. you from my class right? then he said yes. then we say goodbye. i cant remeber well but we started to get along. i would ask him whether he want to come my house to play games. like ps2. little did i know that this game called "GTA" could make us bestfriends. we two love this game very much that we discussed it everytime. we even joked about it. then i started to fall for a girl in my sec 1 years. it was different feeling. everytime i would find every chance to look at her. i was always admiring her cheerful personality. then i started to play basketball. i started to prove to people that im not a person whom is worthless. i tried everything just to gain her attention. Lewis would sometime join me in my "morning basketball" with some other friend from other class. i was very open in my sec school days but egoistic at the same time. i was the kind who always go all out for things that i like. later did i know that my friend lewis like that girl that i liked. i found it when i pranked him. its something like "asking him to type whom he like" application. there was 4 of them 1 of it was the one i liked. so i was like "he betrayed me". but as years passed on i began to purposely forget her. because she goes steady with another guy. i was heart broken. i forced my self to forget and try to enjoy my life. as always i hang out with lewis. play games, basketball and almost anything. sometime i can be evil to persuade him to accompany me to do this and that. but it was all for the fun of it. . if i compare him with others i say he is the most fun person i have ever met. his jokes can be lame. but as he joke more his jokes became more funnier. that is what good about him. then one day he went to "boys home". i felt quite lonely even if i have other friends. he was sent there because he join a gang and broke a persons nose. starting from then onwards i always said to him dont mix with those kind of people. they are cowards. slowly he became the type who resist gangs. but he of course still like those gang game. he said that he got addicted to GTA because of me. and he said i shamelessly tried to make friends with him. but i think its fine with him.
he always have a bad odor. i always tell him straight forward that he stinks and need a bath. as time goes by he changed his habit of not bathing. he became more cleaner. up until now he still joke.
about my love life i really think that i only had one person in my eyes. but i got heartbroken. so manage to bring myself up fast. i could say that she is the person that i liked most. the feeling that you wouldnt betray her for anything.

since i was in ite i tried to bring myself up. being too emotional is really bad for health. and its hard to recover.

This breakdowns probably caused by:
Self-conscious
Swayed emotion
Constant failure
Negative friends

to say honestly in one of my class right now whom is negative is none other than peishen.
but he is not a bad person. its just that he has more different views.
for etc...i think of happy endings while he think that there is no such thing.
i think it was the cause of his family that he thinks that way. but of course i like to talk to him.
because he loves music. maybe i got something to relate to him. i dont know why but i just talk to him without good reason. there is one time i post something in facebook. saying that i should trust my heart more. but he respond saying that sometime you heart lies. i was a little uncomfortable there. i didnt talk to him for days until one day i talked to him like normal.
so im saying no matter how bad the person is you still can forgive him. forgiving feels much better than holding grudges. when you hold grudges you tend to feel more faded from reality. i rather find something fun to spend my time on rather than spending my time on how to deal with the person you hate.

2009-09-22T10:22:00.000-07:00

its been last week since i touch this laptop of mine. its more boring without laptop because its fasting month...now i can play sports. i want to improve my fitness.
erm...ya today i can go pe maybe? i have been keeping these 2 sentence in my mind..."make up your mind fast" and "English". these 2 sentence really improve my life for the better. after fasting month was over i felt weird and upset somehow. i dont know why. but now im relieve because i want to start playing sports. and yeah i need to improve my "forgive and forget"
meaning that i should think of bad stuff. but since last week its improving. no matter who that person is you have to learn to forgive. now i have forgiven whoever that makes me angry. i want to learn to think that every 1 day is your last. or i would be slacking at home sleeping. starting from today i want to try this. if possible i will try to avoid negative talks with people. its unhealthy to hate. which do you prefer? Hate or Love? from what i have experience....hate is tiring because you think of bad stuff when you could have done something better. love is liking everything in a good way. but of course you have to be self awared of whom you are liking. that person might not be who you think it is. i heard people say that if life is at peace then something is just not right. you need "Bad" and "Good" to balance. i want to finish this course earlier and work..maybe im planning to play sports and working. that way life is more exciting. i need to learn to motivate myself doing something. maybe this week i might do more work...because fasting month is over. last weeks i was suffering from hunger everytime i tried to do my homework. i stopped immediately when i feel uncomfortable in any part of my body. but maybe today is different i hope...

i believed in good things but in return it is the opposites

2009-09-15T02:23:00.000-07:00

Today i came school for Fyp. Farhan teach me about the flash then he say that he would do it than i do the fyp.
i was so focused. really i was focused and try to perfect my animation. i was half way done. my friends praised me for my work. i feel more confident and excited to finish the scene. i focused and i didnt know what i did but more than half of the frame is gone. just because i believed that saving work everytime is safe. i got really frustrated. i just want to relax. i wanted to finish my work and relax. i regret saving my work. if i did not save my work i would have continue on. now i have to do it from the start. i said to myself that this happens and try to be a little happier about it. just think that this is a opportunity to improve my work even more. to put it in a negative way i just think i might not finish this fyp if this goes on. so i have to get a wacom pen and photoshop...or maybe a sketchbook. draw those movement and finish it. i have to finish it within this week. i have to.... or this will show that i have no talent at all. when i go home i am going to buy a sketch book and draw all the needed scene. you can do it lutfi

2009-09-07T10:39:00.000-07:00

last week was a disaster...family problem. now i dont have the mood to talk about that old man. hate him. i am planning to buy a internet for myself. but i dont know the details about it. and i want to know which is better...prepaid or bill... i asked alot of people about this but non is the answer that i wanted. the sooner the better. i dont want to be threaten. it sucks to be threat by useless people....last friday i witness gemini betraying Again. it was hariz. he said that he would wait for peishen outside class but ended up going with violet and the rest. it pisses me off. he himseld said that he will wait outside. i know this is a small matter but i had to say this. if you dont want me to call you betrayer then dont do it. no common sense...and he got no confidence in his drawings. omg then why be our background artist if you are not confident. there i go trying to defend him and he just strongly agree with others...how stupid was that.i tried to debate with violet and hariz just said " i believe you violet". those who said that are weaks. no seriously sometimes you just have to defend your pride. if i were you i will improve my drawings and prove it to him rather than agreeing to what he says. sometimes the only good advice is always from yourself. i hope you dont do this kind of thing anymore. it pisses me off. if you read this then you know what you should not do. this week have to finish most work... i got all confused when miss tracy asked me to do her work. i just dont know where to start. so i think i should try finish mr chua website then resize for miss tracy...after that maybe i all out for the animation.
about the animation i got a little problem with animating. although bryan said that its acceptable. but to me i have to put more effort on it. i have to buck up and finish these frame by frame or we wont finish this final assignment. no matter what we have to finish this final assignment.
i think that i rather choose frame by frame than cut out. frame by frame got more feeling to it.
i have to admit that darryls drawing is incredible. he just draw a few drawings to animate it. its kinda cool. as other team i should be jealous or my work will be shit. if you arent jealous you would put more effort in your work. actually from the start of the school i was looking forward to frame by frame which is mostly done by anime. my friend lewis asked how did i know how to draw this things. i just say that i liked it...thats the reason why i could. i strongly believes that if you like to draw that certain thing and you keep drawing you will get better on it. for me i tried to be original in my drawings. its kinda hard but i just keep creating. by creating character i was able to find more drawings that i could add to my characters. if drawing isnt fun than you might get ugly drawings out. the 1st time i tried drawing was Pokemon "Ash" just to make a comic. i would say that drawing a comic is fun because you could create stories by your own boundaries. when i drew "ash" it looks really ugly. its like a dislocated arm with 2 eyes not in the same size legs longer. i tell you that my drawing was much weirder than now. the most drawing i did...was....dragonball...i liked to draw the super saiyan hair. it looks cool. everytime i would make the story so obvious coz i everytime transform them into saiyan mode. never in normal mode. the only person that reads my comic was my cousin. he also draw comics. but i say he got more power. what im saying is that he always draw the power effect. example ...wind came out of the sword blade. rocket blast as if its the strongest. its kinda funny if you see it.
oh man its late i have to go to sleep....

2009-09-03T00:24:00.000-07:00

Today i woke up for "sahor" eat burger ramli then when i want to go back in my room,my brother smokes and the whole room smell of tobacco. i hate it. i took my pillows and sleep in the living room. i woke up when farhan called. he asked if i am going to school and i said i didnt want. i was soo damn sleepy. i slept in the living thats why i couldnt sleep properly. i went back to bed right after the call and slept for 2 or 3 hours. seriously i dont need a family who smokes. they only make me angry. just quit smoking and dont waste money. use your money on food instead. 1 cigrattes box can cost 5 or 10 dollars. you could buy 2 set meals at least. what if you were in the jungle? i bet you cant survive. to me smoking is like taking drug...but of course i know the difference. its addicting i know. they say smoking can make friends. about that i dont know. i can only say that is "influence". complaining about person who smokes is dumb i shouldnt do that. they wont quit. even my father who sometimes run out of money stills smoke. i did think that i wanted him to stop smoking but seeing that his attitude like that i would guess that he would bark at me. how i wish there will be no one in this planet who smokes. whatever...

Today quite fun

2009-09-02T09:30:00.000-07:00

Today wake up late got dizzy. then sleep for an hour and go to school.
i was asked to do a...waht is that call...??? i dont know its the animate drawing. i need to draw alot of..! frame by frame. ya. im not that confident about doing it in toon boom. but i will try. never know untill u try. then after awhile we go P.E...no its S and W.i played table tennis with haizil,fadilah,nadiah,larry,shuanyu and saiful. it was insanely fun. we played no rule table tennis. just hit over the line. table tennis was suppose to play ON the table but we played everywhere. we even hit high balls which caused the ball to go over us. lol it was fun and funny. the ball always hit people. it hit Delta chester, saiful and....oh! shungyu. after that i go home get changed and go breakfast at "Just Noodle" with my classmates. then eat eat eat then farhan go watch movie then mr riduan go home take taxi but we found him in a toilet instead lol. Aiman said that he ate 11 spoon of ice scream. what to do..dont waste money. violet look at cashier girl. said that she has a C cup boobies and pretty. he just keep on oogling at her. then i was like...okay...
she is pretty but the attitude not my type. Nadia just keep laughing non stop. lol i wonder how she get to laugh so long. even i got my limit. i can only laughed until my mouth is gonna break.
and yea...after that we walk2 go see toy. chit chat. and then i take mrt with aiman. i alight first then go home buy ramli burger near the aljunied mrt station which happen to be there and i didnt know it. go walk home while listening to Gee gee gee then online. i happen to know that i suck when i am playing with friends in online gaming. cause there is no motivation. everytime i played with stranger...i excel..i have to train my shooting skills for basketball because ms jean said she put me in team to play with others. soooo im like okay. if possible i want to be able to lead the team. it will be great. so far today is fun. although there is arguments. sometimes arguments is part of bonding. at least that is what i think. i think i decide to get a Gf when NS is over. i need to learn how to focus. i got a bad habit that is not able to focus. it depends when...i think when i get to excited then i can focus. but if my mood is damn low then i would go home listen to song so i can ease my mind. thats what i have been doing to maintain my stress level. if i am out of song then that is bad. i could go crazy.tomorrow is donno what day...i think it is the browse thingy. browsing art maybe? well im not really interested in looking at musuem things. its boring. unless there is the science center robot talking machine. im quite tired now. i guess i should sleeep....Not.

Today and Yesterday

2009-08-31T07:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the whole day spent cleaning the room and adjusting.
today is teachers day. i went to guangyang sec and play basketball. in the end we lost. i was too overconfident.
after that wait for Izraini very long than go walk2. so damn boring. coz no plan. cant believe...this is the second time Rawi did not plan anything when he planned to go to guangyang. haiz. i got bored i complain and went to Lewis house to break-fast and ate ice cream while watching one piece. then go home tired.
.....today i talked alot. i realize sometime talk to people like expressing my oppinion they are like -.-"
whats wrong with expressing? rather than keep quiet. which do you prefer? the ones who express or the ones who just keep quiet. today i can say i have fun with only Dorwin and Gopi. they are fun people. i would like to hang out with them some other time. and yeah about Rawi i dont really understand him...usually he is easygoing but now...haiz..he changed. i prefer easygoing people rather than those who said no. i would grow to like them more.
all i can say about these two friend of mine is...Gopi, he has this fun personality although he is sometime lame, it doesnt matter. and Dorwin, he is adventurous likes to explore. he and me has a same likes. but i hope Lewis, Maverick,Dorwin,Gopi and someother classmates could go do senseless things(exploring) like the last time in the longkang. we spent time exploring the longkang for nothing. so what,its fun it doesnt matter as long as it has the fun factor. i miss those days when we hang out do sports or some weird adventure. i couldnt care less. today i learned that influence is "Change". my "bestfriend" Rawi he used to be a good character but now he mixes with those hooligans. haiz.... what i think about gang is they try to act tough. why not prove your toughness on other things like sports. you mixed with gang than you might end up taking drugs. or even worst crimes. at least i think that cigarette is minor. which is not big deal. but don go around encouraging smokes. respect the person who doesnt want to smoke. one good example is my friend Lewis. he smokes but he doesnt ask me to smoke cos he say that i play sports...okaaayyy now im gonna shit....coming out....

quote

2009-08-28T21:46:00.000-07:00

last few days after the medical check up i played basketball. i realize that i got to buck up with my training. my shooting is horrible. but my ball handling remains the same. although i could dribble pass everybody...i cant score. whats the use of dribbling when you cant score. so i found this short quote. "always plan ahead". it means when you are not holding the ball think about what you are going to do in next possesion. i did shot a 3 point with this quote but that was only one time.that shot i took was the fastest to leave my fingers. it did go in. but i think its about planning ahead. if you fail to plan then you plan to fail. after this Fasting month i want to be in the basketball team. i want to concentrate. but i have to manage my time between work and basketball.

Yesterday and Today.

2009-08-25T19:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the whole day like nightmare. i woke up finding my father scolding me about NS.
He scold3 like he is the only one with the problem. i myself tried to figure what to bring while he scold. FUCK him. this is the 1st time i scold that in blog. i go to the NS place taking taxi. i so blur. dont even know direction. i go ask people for direction but some people just say over there but i myself confuse. some of them quite rude. say that its over there but never give details about the place. then bla bla bla. i got inject three times. one on left and two one right. . then blablabla. go to school do work. then conversation with peishen then go home. g0 home straight away go out play basketball. i got dizzy around 7pm. then i go home rest. today that fuck father find the smallest mistake or should i say not a mistake. i was using a device which needed electricity then he say that i waste electric leaving the thing on. fuck it. i got pissed i didnt talk to him. get out my house as soon as possible so i dont have to hear his nag. now reach school did this blog thing.

Crossover.

2009-08-24T13:02:00.000-07:00

I read this manga calles Crossover. the story was amazing. i just finished reading it. the main character has similarity to me. as in compare to last time i used to be. a very energetic boy,initiative and most of all competetiveness. when i play basketball i like to challenge others like crossing over them. always do unpredictable moves. the reason why i lost interest was because i stick with the "give up people". i have been infected by their desease thats why i got different way of approaching basketball. last time i like to challenge people not fearing of course. thats what made me the top of the class in sports. since i graduate i have doubt and stating facts that prevents me from enjoying basketball. although i do get thropy for the "i forgot" competition. it was most girls in my team which was made in 3 people. and only 2 guys.it was me and chris. i did all the dribbling while chris did all the shooting. it was fun i have to admit. but chris didnt come for the 3rd prize presentation and the match. i took over the game using my dribble which i took pride of. this wednesday i want to go home early and get change to jersey and train my skills back. i have always try to improve my skills. but i notice that not all skills can remain. example shooting. dribbling i can still dribble like i used to but when it comes to shooting its different. i spent 1 day shooting 500 balls into the rim not counting misses. i worked that hard and it was perfect. then few weeks later it starts to rot... i have been told that im a perfectionist. that can be negative too.i have always like to perfect things i do. now im lacking stamina. its hard gain that stamina back unless u push like crazy.
i have to remember anything is possible. dont think impossible. there wont be any computer stuffs or planes if not because of possible. i want to enjoy beating all the basketball players like i used to!! just wait. i want to challenge with my initiative.

today horoscope

2009-08-22T15:18:00.000-07:00

Aries
The Bottom Line
Put something together so all your new friends can get to know each other better.
In Detail
Your wit is razor sharp today, so don't let it go to waste. When you enter a room full of people, strike up a conversation by just saying whatever is on your mind at the time; don't edit yourself or over think what you want to say. Free and easy communication is usually the most interesting and it will encourage people to talk back. This is a wonderful day for a job interview, a first date, or any other situation in which you need to make an outstanding first impression.

2009-08-21T10:40:00.000-07:00

Stupid video. do you know the feeling of backfired? we were suppose to finish this video assignment .well there is this stupid video which i have high hopes on. i thought it was suppose to be a group work. why izzit suppose to be individual work when you have alot of people doing the project? i just dont understand. now i am extremely depressed about how things turn out. i was so freakin angry yet sad. this is the 1st time i am so depressed. i WILL not do that video assignments no matter what! that thing has caused a great blow to me. i will never ever let this happen to me again. this is also the 1st time i had this feeling that i would never let go.
the moment i think of it, i became extremely depressed. i swear i will never finish this video no matter what! even 1 day of cooling down wont cool me down. stupid assignment. and i thought it was suppose to be fun. and now what happen? the more i think of it the more im mad.
all of you have fun with ur "videos". stupid hariz tag me on his stupid video assignments. it really annoys me more. >:(

Cool down Lutfi u have to keep ur spirits up

2009-08-20T22:30:00.000-07:00

im still mad about yesterday. i just cant let it go. it hurts me. the only way to calm myself down is to do things alone. in a meanwhile i am going to draw things to make myself a little happy.
now my brother is still occupying my room. i feel like getting revenge. he is either low in IQ or just trying to get at me. i know this thing he did is against me. i hate it. your stupid grudge is making me sick. i wish he is dead. so i can be alone rather than being upset about him. soon he will realize that i hate him the most among the people that i met.

>:( What an asshole

2009-08-19T12:58:00.000-07:00

cant believe it! i thought i was gonna sleep and saw my stupid brother took my whole space where i was suppose to sleep. now i have to sleep outside the carpet. i wont be sleeping well.
why mus he smoke. im begining to hate smokers because of him. i was a little upset when he smoke in my room and now he even burnt a hole in my bed. Im so freaking pissed by his attitude. i donno why he was my brother. i hate him.
he is like my father. i hate them both. always give me problem when i already have one. damn it.
do i look like a pushover!! i tell u one thing. maybe i look like some pushover but if u went through my limit i wont hesitate to punch u till u black out. like what i did to my secondary school friend. my brother is lucky that he is my brother or i would haved punched him like a punching bag. seriously u people dont want to push me. i get very violent when im really angry. those who havent seen me violent before pls think twice about pissing me off.
u may push me but i wont let u go far enough and treat me like ur dog. im nobodies dog. now that i vent my frustration. i shall say im always holding myself from bursting coz im short tempered. the only way to see me bursting is when im crying. that crying is not because of me being timid but being afraid to beat them to dead.
i experience this 2 to 3 times and i know how it felt so in future i must build a strong wall so that my burst wont get through. lucky that violet did not pushed me. in this school he is the only person to almost push me to my limit. saying all those rude comments. good for him that im forgiving. sometime i will admit if im wrong but not all the time coz im no pushover. i will not cry on stupid mistakes. seriously i dont care whether the person is old or young as long we could get along. having and insult to the face is provoking. i wont hesitate to blast rude comments to the contestant. i really prefer my secondary school life but now i have no choice but to live on. im actually a witty person but whats cozing me to do witty things is because i cared for people. i could say the meanest thing but i wont coz i know that person wont like it. i expect the same thing to others.
now im super tired venting my frustration on this blog. i dont think i could wake up this morning. im a deep sleeper.

2009-08-17T10:48:00.000-07:00

I got a feeling that i can be myself from now on. just lke i used to.
today do work alot. scan drawings for assignment and make the character hunter from left4dead. its no that nice but i just want to finish it fast so i dont get stressed. now i left with miss sri,miss tracy and mr chua assignments. i figured that if u slack even just a little its hard to get the momentum of doing work continuosly. today i blur about the Macromedia Flash assignment. i dont know why but i dont understand what teacher is saying even face to face.
after school me and farhan stayed back for school and went out of the school and install Flash on my laptop. after i reached home i played Team Fortress with Nadia. quite fun but i think it will be more fun if we play left4dead. Team Fortress have 11 people in 1 team so its hard to communicate. anyway im planning to save money on saturday coz its fasting on that day and im gonna buy left4dead2 by the time it came out. im supposed to be sleeping now so i should go to bed after this or i wont even wake up for school FYP. haiz i must try to buck up.
Mr chua said that i could do work faster and if its true maybe i should do all the work at once. maybe i should start planning my time. or it would be a scrambled eggs.
always so messy when doing things. aiyo why am i still typing?! i should be sleeping now. hope tomorrow is fun.

haiz

2009-08-16T08:34:00.000-07:00

Today play game all the way but still sian.
never sleep since yesterday. the team fortress is fun but it doesnt satisfy my needs.
tomorrow school need to finnish flash. i hope i can finish.
musnt forget to bring all the last year work to scan into portfolio.
yesterday also spend the whole day fixing this stupid steam.
waste of time. why are steam always causing me trouble.
in the morning my stupid father scold me for putting shoes infront of the door.
it wasnt me...it was my brother. i dont know why he likes to blame people before looking into the matters.
i hate it when someone ristrict me from doing something, it makes me feel so upset.
i didnt go meet lewis coz the whole saturday was occupied with this stupid steam.
i cant wait to finish NS and work at Cyber than i can do my OWN thing.
this brother of mine pisses me off when he smokes. its annoying. i dont get it...why smoke when you can use the money buy food. haiz. my body is aging...must exercise more.
oh ya now that i remeber i want to vs Daryl in Badminton.
see whose better. i think it will be very challenging. it will make me move alot. fun fun XD.
i everytime on laptop in the middle of the night. sometime i wander if the ghost thing were true. the more i think about it the more i will get scared.
my brother said that he experience this before IN our house. he said he saw the "Pon" above the ceiling when he was sleeping.bcoz the flapping sound make him wake up and he saw it. after that i donno what happen but he has been asking me more than few times. did you hear something or see something and i would say no coz i didnt.
whatever it is i wont be sleeping in the living room. thats where my brother experience.
argh...im not gonna continue...it creeps me by talking about this at night.

Between Feelings And Thoughts

2009-08-15T05:08:00.000-07:00

last thursday i went to the library skipping school. i was late for school so i rather not go and do something useful for me. i went to to th library searching for personal reading. i read abour 3-4 books and 1 of them was title Anxiety blablabla. i read it. it was so detailed which i dont like. i just skip few pages and tadah! the sections was there. it was about anxiety when speaking. i read and it says that you have to balance thoughts and feelings when speaking. i was more to feeling than thinking. the difference about feelings and thoughts was....
feelings you speak about how you feel while thoughts was about what you think and not care about your feelings. that is something i learned there. for now im gonna browse something usefull in the internet.

Love For Sports

2009-08-11T05:25:00.000-07:00

I once thought that i do sports because of a girl. When i look into my past i remembered...why i liked sports.
when i was in primary school i was a shy boy since primary one to three. i cant remember it well but i liked P.E.
I get so active when playing sports. When few years past it was already primary five. starting from that year i developed this goal. but before that soccer was introduced to me. i just played. i was enjoying soccer. After the soccer my classmates praised me of my ability to defend. since my form teacher Mr Cleetus asked me to play for the interclass soccer. i played. there was this guy named Ron. he was shorter than me but very skilled. i looked up to him. he was a very confident player. its hard for others to tackle him from what i see. the day of interclass soccer has came and i felt a little nervous. i played with alot with other classes then the next class was 5F or something... i was playing against Ron. then i didnt know if i could tackle him but i tried. when i was confronting him everything went slow and i just kicked his ball away from him. that kick was what encourage me to do my best in sports. few years has passed and i became sec 3. that moment i was taking over. i run 2.4km and what really pushed me was.... i tried to test how long or how fast i can go. after the 2.4km i felt releived. if i am not wrong i was 1st or 2nd but im sure i was 1st in sec 4. then i tried to test how far can i go with basketball.
one thing that drift me far away from basketball was...DOUBT...i doubt my own ability. thats why i cant go far.
In the next basketball training i am going to "Test" how far i can go.
How i wished i could be smarter. :D

Living in Doubt

2009-08-11T01:25:00.000-07:00

The word Doubt is Negative yet can be useful at times. sometimes i doubt my own ability to do things. it my be caused by failure. but usually i would back up when fail. its like u put a fuel on a fire. starting from today i want to live without doubt.Thinking of situation is quite fun but thinkng about past is frustrating.

Social

2009-07-31T05:59:00.000-07:00

Today was very social. i played game with friends. but the most i did was socialize with my friends. i realize that you wont hold back ur words when u just speak ur mind.
when u make mistake in socializing then follow up with a related topic to talk about. honesty is the my best quality but it went down when i was working in Long John Silver. it was the worst whe working there. most of the workers are so negative except 1 manager whom i called Jufri. He is a kind guy but always get picked on by workers. missed him.always when embarrased (TYPO) we should follow up the next topic without hesitation and if you are lucky u might say and indirect jokes that you dont even notice but only notice when they laugh. hesitation can cause awkward moment or maybe they will remember forever. i dont think they will remember our awkward moment coz they would mostly spend their time thinking for their own instead of thinking about others. When we make mistake try to cover up as soon as possible. its the only way we can forgive and forget. but the bad etc was my classmate name Zul. He was the only person who can't socialize in a normal way. there is something about him that i dont like but i dont know what it is. anyway its his own fault for making me think this way. For me i can talk to weird people or different people as long as they dont reject socializing with me. the most comfortable to talk to was Lewis which tomorrow i will meet him. i plan to be his BFF. he treat me as the ONLY friend that he trust. i am proud to have him as a friend. though to say i lied to him alot of times. anyway i dont really care if people lie but dont reveal them to me. it hurts me.
although i prefer to suffer the worst 1st so i can carry on with other things.
Social is always about topic. the related topic is always what people wants not the out of topic ones. if you were to imagine i talked to you about basketball games when you dont really care about, you will fill very irritated. like one of my classmate "Chester" he always talk things with non related topic like warcraft which i dont really care it irritated me while im trying to show him friendliness so that he wont get hurt with my rejects. but in life you have to take rejects.
during PE on wednesday i played basketball with chris. we both didnt play it for weeks or maybe for months. i could make alot of shots without fearing. the thing that was holding me negative was seriousness in basketball. and ya! i have to take this down... always think of now rather then before or after. it makes you want to think in your situation and solving it. when i think about it, its fun when you can do things confidently. if your socializing is no good so does your physical. i can prove that ilham has a positive energy and good at socializing. it always comes to socializing when you are playing sports or other games. i got a different personality when it comes to sports and socializing. i am better in sports then socializing. as what my teacher said" Lutfi you got Gold for Napha and even better then Chris". my honest expression was really emberrassed.
i tend to get shy easily when flattered. anyway to continue my talk about personality between sports and socializing. i was always alert during sports but when in socializing my mind will just go blank i am lazy. Chris ones told me" u always act blur lar u, u purposely act blur". then i was confused myself. but i realize this is my personality. i was always blur. to describe how my blur felt like. when i was talking suddenly my attention switch or i wasnt always paying attention to my surroundings. yeah i wasnt always paying attention. that is my worst habit i have. when i dont pay attention people would ask me about it then i would say i dont know. even Farhan said you always dont know lar. its true. alright time for me to do other things other than blogging. although it makes me feel good i wanna stop this right here.

2009-07-21T09:43:00.001-07:00

I decide to change my life even just a little bit. its boring if u keep sticking to one thing. u will get old easily. ill do things randomly starting from now on. anything that i like i will do. nobody shall intercept. i realize that i am quite bold when im typing words. on monday that violet really piss me off. he underestimate me when i just fail in game. he should know better that anyone improve after they fail. seriously he likes to pick on people. just now i talked back to him shutting him up for good. i hate people who look down on me or my friends. it piss me off. thats the reason why i dont like to be friend with Gemini. i guess maybe now im a little better at monster hunter. now im gonna enjoy my monster hunter game. XD dont mind if i do!

one more thing

2009-06-12T12:57:00.000-07:00

one thing to add when jumping into the rim try to make contact 1st before you go for a layup coz if u try to layup infront of him he would block ur shot if you were to make contact with then you have 2 opportunities like you hit him while jumping you might get a defensive foul against the opponent team but 1st try to attempt a layup 1st if u r lucky enough you would get and1. ok stop here.

new things to learn

2009-06-12T12:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday i was very confident in games and i mean computer games and basketball match.
i dont know why but i am gonna say i am very confident when i focus in every little things.
today i kick ass. my shot percentage was 70% of shots. most of it was layup and i mean clutch layup. i take pride in my clutch layup. it seems everybody was afraid to guard me yesterday. XD
coz i when pass through all my opponent like it was a tissue on the floor. but of coz i dont take it for granted. after game i would say good match. as i recall all my attempt when holding the ball was a very good opportunity for my team to score. i think i scored more than 10 or maybe 15 more. yesterday i learned to be confident you have to focus then you would know what to do in the situation. i realize what i was doing to go on offense was charging through defense if failed i pass to another person who is ready to score. when playing alot of tricky things when through my mind. its like i have alot of choice. speaking of choice i have to recall how i think of choices during games. 1st i would run pass defense and go for the layup if i cant then pass to the offensive center or maybe dribble on stationary if it gets to crowded i will go out the 3point line looking for somebody to pass to.2nd i would go to the 2 point line and try to raise up to shoot the 2 point if cant then ill fake till im open or making open space to pass to my teamates. 3rd i would go near the corner as a point guard passing to someone then go somewhere he can see me and recieve the pass and shoot the 3 or 2pointer. 4th is quite simple, let 2 guards agianst me and pass 2 my open teamate. to be better you have to start learning or should i say creativeness even during matches if you stop there you wont have any ideas. i learn creativeness can produce new things like when in match i look out for new things to try. being creative is wonderfull. now i want to stop here as i am tired from basketball match and games i would now sleep. nite nite

Basketball

2009-06-05T23:47:00.000-07:00

I watched youtube today. this manager of the team from nuggets said every possesion is extremely important. that word gives me a flashback. i used to think like that because i dont get the ball everytime. but now i took it for granted. i thought every possesion was like another.
it depends on your confidence, if you are confident, treat every possesion as the last and you would focus more. just like when i was in a competition with azri and hilman. i was totally focus.
This whole week was a busiest week i ever had. All i do was go to school in the morning do my assignment till night, go back and sleep. i dont even have time to play basketball.
this week there is no training. till next week there is. can't wait to test my skill or maybe i should say sharpen my skill. i remembered something last week. to be confident you have to act like one. the time when i was full of confidence was in secondary school. i was always confident about things.now i used it today. it worked quite well. i saw this quote on mediacorp television. it says "if you judge people you wont have time to love them". i realize that was true. when i judge i would always think bad about the person. now back to basketball topic.
When shooting a basketball the non shooting hands is always the aim.the leg is force while hands is deliver. i have to keep this in mind when shooting.Off-hand=Guide,Shooting hands=Delivery,Legs=Force.
i realize when you used your leg when shooting you would feel that the ball would go in. but when you didnt use your leg you would think that the ball would fall of short. Another piece of info= when you drive past your opponent there will be another player guard you which he is not your opponent, when that happens pass to the person whom the opponent is guarding this will work well.

Forgot!

2009-05-24T00:27:00.000-07:00

To layup or block under the rim you have to beat the position 1st before him if you couldnt make then fake him and go for a floater or fadeaway.when playing point guard if there is nobody to pass to, then drive to the 2pointer and see if your opponent is aware of you and make a quick jumpshot.another way is drive past your defender and see if a center is under the rim if so then make a floater about half meter from him so he couldnt block your shot as he is aware of whose he is guarding.
Tips for point guard is
-drive to side line to make your team to start moving away from you so you could pass.
-as a point guard you are the handler of the ball. whenever teamates couldnt pass its your duty to get it back or buy your another team player a time to get open for ball etc"run away and come for open and repeat that till he couldnt catch up with you.
-without the ball you have to deny the ball preventing a pass and move your feet,not 1 by1 but do in a jumping way.
-when you passed to a teamate try to cut in the basket and if you couldnt get the ball then move near a sideline or and open than shoot when you have the ball.
-when shooting you just shoot dont think. thinking while shooting makes your shooting slower and lesser accuracy.
-Sprinting everytime makes a vertical leap, so every game just sprint as if it is your last.
~~~~~~~~
everything you do must have a reason and that is what makes a logic. if you do things without logic that means you very stupid.

Basketball

2009-05-23T23:39:00.000-07:00

I learned another way to train my vertical jump. i used a drum pedal and do it with rythm. when you do it with rythm, u r teaching your legs to react when u want it to, so when you are about to jump, your ankle automatically do what its supposed to do. Sprinting works quite well when you want a vertical leap. i did improve a little bit. even that bit makes me happier. to me skills is what you teach your body.when you teach, you are asking your body part to memorise. Jordan says "you failed 50 times you became a good at it". Now About shooting, i think that correcting your shooting mistakes makes you a better shooter. i think like that because its almost the same as ball handling. ball handling is easier to train than shooting because shooting, you need a rim while handling you just need a floor. everywhere i go there is a floor so it makes easier to train handling. since i started balling i train more on handling than shooting. shooting can be quite irritating when you are training alone. when you shoots the ball, it just bounce out the rim and you have to go get it. i have been neglecting my assignments because of basketball. i just cant get rid of this lazy habit. i think i got it from my brother or father. when i was young i used to observe my brother behaviour then i started to follow his attitude a little bit. thats when i went rude to people. when in secondary schools i observe from my friends behaviour and tried to follow it too. it seems that everybody around you are your influence. to me love comes 2nd. what i liked comes 1st. and i learned to not get too emotional by neglecting my emotions etc"when i was hurt by someones word or did something wrong i just push my emotions aside and asked myself to move on. everybody forgets the wrong things you done in a second. so if you tried to think harder into your emotions, you only makes things worse. one person would notice you are emotional. i hate emotional cause. when i think about it i just get more and more emotional. so i just found a temporary way to block those that is saying to yourself" Heck it, like i care about my emotions". thats how i survived having a conversation. if possible i want to block my emotions away and get back to my real self. u can admit im shy but i am definitely not a emotional person. the things that cause this emotion breakdown when you are severedly hurt emotionally. i just thought that i get this when playing 3on3 competition. a person was clearly better than me. i just lose confidence and think more about how i would look than how i would response. its a bad feeling when you get too emotionally. people would find you very weird for that. because you have to think before you speak. when you do that it just gets slower in conversation. so i would rather speaks my thoughts than keeping it a secret.even if it hurts someone. if you are afraid of hurting someone than its better not talking. even of you hurt a high self esteem person he would just forget it. on life, there will be rejections. if you cant take rejections than you probably wont survive in conversation. thats what i told myself. every seconds i tried to improve anything that exist in this world. etc i thinked of a way for basketball. correcting problems i have. till the next post then.

the lost art of my crossover

2009-05-17T23:41:00.000-07:00

since last year i changed my way of crossovering dribble. i tried to follow allen iverson crossover moves. it went perfect. i could break peoples ankle with it but the bad thing is i have no control over my dribble after i cross people,meaning i couldnt get the ball in my hands when running pass defender. then just last week i do simple crossover training. i realize the basic is more comfortable than the allen iverson crossover. when i do that at court i could do it smoothly and i have high percentage of scoring after that. i was so happy that this art of crossover is easier it is to control. i did it since sec2 ,thats why i could do it smoothly. the difference of my crossover and the allen crossover was, iverson palm was facing towards opponent but you have no control over it unless you train for years or months.mine was facing downwards to the ground,i could dribble it down whenever i wanted or cross to my other hand. Now about fears, fears is not your father so you don't have to get worried. This fear thing has slown me down in games. i must learn to attack fears instead of defending. last time my attitude towards basketball was act 1st before thinking. i believed in my intuition thats why last time i did not lose so much. im done writing.

MY BASKETBALL INFO!

2009-04-18T00:59:00.001-07:00

I figured out the very very important thing today!
just when i was sub as a point guard which i didnt want because i was not confident with my skill, i had this thought"cant go look back right now. something is definitely has to be done".
this thought have make me soo confident that i could do just anything in any situation. the thing i needed for basketball game was IQ. the top thing to put in your head.
For me IQ was this" making the right decision"
yeah, the decision making was from IQ. nobody would get through the game without IQ.
Today my team lost to other club. today i shot 2/2 percentage that means i shot 2 ball.
my responsibily is to make scoring oppirtunities(cant spell it right). i figured that you dont have to follow orders. you follow when you think its right.
things that prevent your skills to be an action is because you only stick to one thing in your mind.
and that makes you hard to figure out a good oppitunities.
today was the day i figured something important that was missing for months that i was trying to figure out and that is "Basketball IQ".
in basketball game,u cant afford to think negatives.
if so you have to get out of the game till you feel very confident.
in game you shouldnt be so angry coz this would cause a'lost sight of IQ" and that makes your mind narrower. when it gets narrower you give a bad pass or shot.
today i was warming up for the game that is jogging. instead i tried to beat every players in my team in jogging. i succeed. of course you dont go jogging fast blindly. i use a method like "every push from your legs should be far". i did tried to cheat. coach put it 7 mins to jog around the court. i figured that about 1 min is 1 round. when the last round was left 35 sec i slowed down so idont have to run 1 more round. then someone cut through me and making another round.i accept his challenge and sprint 1 round. i did succeed in cutting him. but after that was stretching exercise and i have to do push up.and i was like omg! then i took a very very deep breath while others do pushup. and again i succeed in doing the fastest push up un the team. now that i say it, i am quite good in making fast push up. i make 2 push up in 1 sec without resting untill i get to the "goal". and all that tiring warm up actually improves my stamina just after the game. or should i call real warm up. i have finished putting my thoughts in this blog!

adios!

My Bday of the day

2009-04-14T06:06:00.000-07:00

Review of emotional states
positiveness
-------------------------------
p1 {20%}
p2 {30%}
p3 {70%}
p4 {60%}
p5 {60%}
p6 {50%
sec1{20%}
sec2{50%}
sec3{80%}
sec4{70%}
year1{10%}
year2{40%}
----------------------------

Today was my birthday.
Early in the morning Farhan wished me a happy birthday with sms.
After that is my mother,father,Saiful and Azri.
The ones i didnt mention is because i dont trust them and those who didnt wish me i would just treat them like normal friends.And not to forget my lovely cousin who cared for me is Nurul Zakiah.(the first to wish me before my birthday)

In the day of my birthday, i honestly and deeply in my heart i dont need celebration.
what i really want is, them wishing me a birthday. though i dont look like i care, i actually appreciate the thoughtfulness .

And the most exciting things about today was basketball practice.
I notice i was in the centre of the attention.

i could talk to my basketball friends without hesitation like its natural and whats more is im not afraid of miss jean(our basketball"teacher")that i used to.
last time was"cant look at her confidently" and now is "look at her very long while talking".

List of good friends
----------------------------
The ones i can think of and pop up on my mind was.....

Lewis-loyalty
Maverick-understanding
Azri-easygoing
Rawi-very close but now not that close
Farhan-always the 1st person to talk to me

------------------------------

sorry for the ugly blogging

basketball for the win!

boring today

2009-03-31T06:50:00.001-07:00

today i almost did nothing for project or maybe nothing.
i dont even know what to do.
i played psp till 5pm then take bus go home with farhan.
when i am in the bus, i was talking to farhan and suddnely i felt watery on my legs.
it was a coke that farhan gave me. it has a cut on it.
not sure how it get there but i am sure it is not farhan fault.
while going home i was carrying my bag one handed because the coke spill on my bag which i put the coke in before i was on my way home. but it trained my arm too.
i slept at 6pm wake up at 7pm and eat. then play with my ps3 console. while using my laptop.
i bought a shrimps for my terrapine because it was their favorite food.
tomorrow i am not sure whats going to happen but i would want to go out and train my skills.

long time didnt use this blog

2009-03-30T10:55:00.000-07:00

i didnt us this blog for months...or maybe a year because of the function. and quite busy at times.
just to review.
i have joined this clubbed name LJE.
it improves my teamwork.
every saturday is always basketball training.
i just want to get more time to train my skills.
projects everywhere.
im trying to go positive.
since i came ite i became a little bit of down to earth kind of guy and the think twice before you leap.i dont want that!
i haves negatives on me. just dont know how to get it out.
is it because i mix with wrong friends? i hope not.
this year i am so into self image.
i dont want that too.
i am still in contact with lewis.
he is the most loyal friend i ever seen. but ofcourse there is a bad sides too.everyone has the bad sides.he likes to mix with those so called "gangsters". lewis sometime likes to call just to meet.i know it is to make a bond or something but i cant organise my daytime. thats why i have been neglecting his request to meet. normally people would have given up after such a long time of neglection. but he is quite impressive. thats what i call a good friend. he never ever try to threaten my freedom.
one thing i hate most about people is...they boss around way too much.
i have to say that being a friend with gemini sucks! coz they always pangseh. never keep promise. sometime they would do something to manipulate people. i never come across a non-pangseh gemini. i wont tell the name but i would just type in what i experience in gemini friend.
once i told them not to tell, they go back against it. they TELL! they are way too sensitive about betrayal when they ownself is a betrayer.but the good side is they are easy to talk to. dont get offended if there are gemini out there reading. its the fact.
now im done here listing my thoughts. its quite late. i have to get to sleep for tommorow. do project. just wont stop coming.

passion for basketball is still alive!

Today is rest day

2007-11-24T22:53:00.000-08:00

today i want to do my research on skills
its nothing happening today
now i am going to check on my friendster

-.-''

2007-11-24T06:32:00.000-08:00

I am trying to spend my time training my skills.
I have to work.
wth.
14 more days payday.
No choice.
I want to grow taller. T_T
I must train like hell.
There is this person from bendermeer sec guy who plays basketball.
He was too arrogant just because he could jump higher then me.
He said that i was too small to play match in chinese.
When the ball bounced towards him, he kicked the ball.
He did not show any respect.
No sportsmanship.
I started to show some of my "and1" moves which he can't do.
I could tell that he is jealous.
He couldn't do any handle moves at all, but his friend is a good person.
His friend would pass to me the ball when it goes bouncing towards him.
I left about 3 weeks for my competition.
I am so anxious.
Me, Azri and Hilman is a team.
But there is no tall palyer in our team.
I think that there should be a tall player in our team.
I have to train my ball handling and shooting.
I have mastered the way of cutting into the basket.
Darma told me just now that size don't matter as long as you can run fast and pass well.
I improved my dribbling speed since the exam is over.
But my shooting when to worst since last month.
I planned to worked on my handling skills first.
To make my wrist flexible.

exam is over

2007-10-08T07:27:00.000-07:00

Exam is over
haiz...
i wonder if i could stick with my friend long enough.
i would miss them.
i won't be missing lewis because i would come to his house to play game or something else.
i hope life gets better next year.
Can't wait to go to work.
Me and maverick are wgoing to work as a packer or tagger.
Mr Eric is our executive manager.
He is a nice guy.
this might be the work that can last long.
Packing?
i could do this for many hours.
i hope there is no more interruption as i work.
i have to wait till 17 October to start working.
in a meanwhile, i could train my basketball skills.
since last month, i did not touch a basketball.
Because of N-level.
The most important month to graduate.
this could be it.
i miss the old time.
i used to like someone in the past.
it was so heartbeating.
now is should forget about the past.
i just hope that i could find a faithfull partner in my life.
i wonder how long.
there was one boy, he was shock that i don't have a GF.
cause he already got one.
sometime i just wonder why i could not get one.
that doesn't matter now.
i just need to get my dreams alive for now.
A basketball player in singapore.
i just hope i can join any basketball team as long as there is a coach.
most people might think i am short and like to show off.
in fact that is not the reason.
i want people to recognize me as a great challenger not a show offs.
those people who says that i am, they are a soreloser.
they couldn't admit that i can alot of stuffs.
though i get jealous sometime, i will not do any dishonest act.
i don't do this stuffs.
it is not for me.
i am a straight forward guy that don't like to keep thoughts.
strong hearts, that is what lewis teaches me.
don't let negative thoughts take over you.