what wrong with my life? c0mments! i can get all the things that i wanted but why do i feel so uneasy....
i got those things that i can enjoy with everyday but i feel like im not happy with what i got.
although yesterday was really a bad day but at least i clear something like...not being able to openly talk to my grandparents.
i became introverted since i was in this school. is it because that i dont want people to think bad of me? i dont know. but one thing that saved me from being introverted was my best friend..Lewis. he is more social than me. since i came to this school i was not open to him as well. i tried not to get argument with him. but he was always showing this warm welcome. its hard to find a friend like him. i should treat him better. he always put himself and me in the future.
its quite a coincidence when i met him.
this is how it started. i study in GuangYang Secondary school. when i was in school i was quite shy. although there is someone who makes friend with me. im like answering his question few days passed. i feel like i should make friends. i saw this large guy. he is alone sometime. when i was on my way home. i saw Lewis from far. i guessed that he lived nearby.
so the next day i purposely bump into him in a shop. buying twisties. munching on it and ask him.. you from my class right? then he said yes. then we say goodbye. i cant remeber well but we started to get along. i would ask him whether he want to come my house to play games. like ps2. little did i know that this game called "GTA" could make us bestfriends. we two love this game very much that we discussed it everytime. we even joked about it. then i started to fall for a girl in my sec 1 years. it was different feeling. everytime i would find every chance to look at her. i was always admiring her cheerful personality. then i started to play basketball. i started to prove to people that im not a person whom is worthless. i tried everything just to gain her attention. Lewis would sometime join me in my "morning basketball" with some other friend from other class. i was very open in my sec school days but egoistic at the same time. i was the kind who always go all out for things that i like. later did i know that my friend lewis like that girl that i liked. i found it when i pranked him. its something like "asking him to type whom he like" application. there was 4 of them 1 of it was the one i liked. so i was like "he betrayed me". but as years passed on i began to purposely forget her. because she goes steady with another guy. i was heart broken. i forced my self to forget and try to enjoy my life. as always i hang out with lewis. play games, basketball and almost anything. sometime i can be evil to persuade him to accompany me to do this and that. but it was all for the fun of it. . if i compare him with others i say he is the most fun person i have ever met. his jokes can be lame. but as he joke more his jokes became more funnier. that is what good about him. then one day he went to "boys home". i felt quite lonely even if i have other friends. he was sent there because he join a gang and broke a persons nose. starting from then onwards i always said to him dont mix with those kind of people. they are cowards. slowly he became the type who resist gangs. but he of course still like those gang game. he said that he got addicted to GTA because of me. and he said i shamelessly tried to make friends with him. but i think its fine with him.
he always have a bad odor. i always tell him straight forward that he stinks and need a bath. as time goes by he changed his habit of not bathing. he became more cleaner. up until now he still joke.
about my love life i really think that i only had one person in my eyes. but i got heartbroken. so manage to bring myself up fast. i could say that she is the person that i liked most. the feeling that you wouldnt betray her for anything.

since i was in ite i tried to bring myself up. being too emotional is really bad for health. and its hard to recover.

This breakdowns probably caused by:
Self-conscious
Swayed emotion
Constant failure
Negative friends

to say honestly in one of my class right now whom is negative is none other than peishen.
but he is not a bad person. its just that he has more different views.
for etc...i think of happy endings while he think that there is no such thing.
i think it was the cause of his family that he thinks that way. but of course i like to talk to him.
because he loves music. maybe i got something to relate to him. i dont know why but i just talk to him without good reason. there is one time i post something in facebook. saying that i should trust my heart more. but he respond saying that sometime you heart lies. i was a little uncomfortable there. i didnt talk to him for days until one day i talked to him like normal.
so im saying no matter how bad the person is you still can forgive him. forgiving feels much better than holding grudges. when you hold grudges you tend to feel more faded from reality. i rather find something fun to spend my time on rather than spending my time on how to deal with the person you hate.